code-chick.net

t minus 3 days till i’m broke

<.emotional rant.>

i don’t know what’s wrong with me the past few weeks. it’s not like i’m depressed or anything like that. it’s more like almost every decision i’ve made lately (over the past year, year and a half) has been completely, totally, unforgivably wrong for some reason. like i should have taken more classes @ CC this summer so i could take vis comm stuff (it’s like my minor) now instead of still e-com (my major) stuff. like brian and faith (2 of my profs over the past year and a half) shouldn’t have nominated me for the scholarship i got, because it’ll look really bad when i manage to screw up in all my classes this term. like i shouldn’t have gotten my car. like i should have stayed at gvsu and tolerated a major there, instead of spending $20k (it’ll be that much when i graduate) for something i like @ davenport.

*sigh* i seriously just want to be able to curl up and be worthless for a week. maybe that’d snap me outta this… fog… that’s managed to follow me around, off and on, for the past year or so. i don’t know. i just don’t know about anything anymore… :-/

i mean, i just got my paycheck tonight which included new year’s day (FYI - i got 6 1/2 hours holiday pay, plus time and a half for the 6 hours and 15 min i worked - so i made a decent amount) and i’m ticked over it! cause i know in a few days, i will be completely broke and it’s horribly depressing.

the ‘broke’ i’m referring to? another car payment and then winter term tuition… i almost wish i wouldn’t have finished up school right now, so i could work full-time a term and save up a little bit. i’m gonna have to cash in my life insurance policy and then all my savings bonds from when i was born to pay off spring term, i fear. but it’s my fault i suppose, because i know if i don’t finish up now, davenport is changing all their academic requirements and a lotta stuff i’ve taken might not count for anything.. and trying to make it out with no student loans SUCKS!!!!!!

<./emotional rant>